Contrariwise ramblings

I saw this headline on Drudge yesterday:

Intriguing.  But it couldn't possibly be real heads, could it?  I just had to find out.  So I clicked on the link and the following article came up:

Squirrels and I have a love/hate relationship - they love my birdfeeder and I hate the cheeky little thieves.  With spring imminent, they are starting to show themselves.   The following is by Daniel Meyer~ From "Life is a Road, Get on it and Ride". I think it's one of the funniest things I've ever read.

I never dreamed slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous!

Little did I suspect. I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile suddenly shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.
It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close. I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me.

I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes.

His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leaped!

I am sure the scream was squirrel for "Bonzai !" or maybe "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular...

He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack.

Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity.

As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel.

And losing ...

I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil little rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there.

It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all.

His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result.

Torque.

This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very good at it.

The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement.

The squirrel screamed in anger.

The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy.

I screamed in ... well ... I just plain screamed.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maye 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back.

The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike.

This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle ... my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me.

As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Valkyrie Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment), so her front end started to drop.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finally I got the upper hand ... I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked ... sort of.

Spectacularly sort of ... so to speak.

Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams.

They weren't mine...

I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really ... Except for two things.

First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car.

So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway.

That was one thing. The other?

Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. AND NOW HE HAS A PATROL CAR. A somewhat shredded patrol car ... but it was all his.

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of Band-Aids.


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Definitely not.

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The weather has been gorgeous. It's the type of weather that inspires you to go outside and start working on the garden.

And as I was looking over my backyard, I realized it's certainly time to start cleaning up. The old dried vegetation from last fall needs to be pulled or trimmed. New bushes and flowers need to be planted. Perennials needs to be split.

And the ducks taking over our swimming pool are telling me that it's time to think about draining that pool cover.

The water is deep enough for them to go deep sea diving for god-knows-what that's been growing in the pool cover since last October. (And I'm sure that the ducks have been contributing to the flora and fauna by....well... you know what they do.)

Yes, the ducks look happy and they're probably investigating potential nesting areas near this wonderful new habitat they've discovered.

As I'm watching them, all of a sudden I see a face looking up at me from under the pool cover!

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!

I've never seen anything like that before! It looks like it might be the size of a rottweiler! And how long has it been there??!!! And why is it looking at the ducks with possible evil intensions??!!

As quickly as I spied it, it quickly hid out of sight. And over the next several hours I kept a lookout, trying to see it again.

Finally it peered out a bit more and I got a better shot of it:

What the.....???

Then, it ventured all the way out:

This has got to be a....groundhog???!!! And it's FREAKIN' ENORMOUS!!! Probably about the size of a baby hippopotamus.

I'm guessing the groundhog's been hibernating here all winter! After it got scared by it's shadow on February 2nd, it went back under my pool cover and didn't come out till the weather turned warmer. Which is now.

Grrrrr. I'm taking this as personally as the grounds' keeper in Caddy Shack. It's definitely going to be me against the groundhog.

I go and get a screwdriver to unscrew the metal covering around the pool and see what foul things have been happening underneath over the winter.

Just as I go to open the cover, it suddenly dawns on me that the groundhog might have a nest and THERE MAY BE BABY GROUNDHOGS!

I might be brave enough to try to chase an animal the size of a Hummer H2 out of my pool, but I'm certainly not brave enough to face a mom and her babies.

It's time to call in the pros.

Animal control is coming tomorrow to trap the little varmint and take him or her far, far away.

I'll give you an update on what happens.

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(And then you won't worry about missing the rest of this story!)

This treat is not only delicious, but it's healthy as well!

Things You'll Need

• 6 oz of milk or dark Chocolate
• Chocolate Mini Eggs or malted milk eggs or Jelly Beans
  
• 5 Large Shredded Wheat Bars

1. Pull apart the shredded wheat with your fingers

   
   

2. Pour chocolate chips into a microwave-proof container and zap them till they melt
   
   
   
3. Pour the melted chocolate over the shredded wheat and mix
   

   

4. Form into bird nest shapes. (Oops. Forgot to take a pic. We were too excited about getting to the next step. So instead, here's a picture of our dog cleaning up the results of our nest-forming activities.)
   
   
5. Decorate chocolate nests with careful placement of candy eggs.
   
   
6. Decorate some more
   
   
   
7. Enjoy. The shredded wheat is healthy but remember there's a lot of chocolate too.
   

So watch out for that post-sugar rush crash!

That blissfully ignorant short space of time between the moment I open my delivery of 300 boxes for my customer's jewelry orders....
.... and then suddenly realize they're all the wrong size.

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And now, an inspirational message for all of us:



(I wonder what's really in those vitamins.)

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And he's planning to be on the sidelines during the Indianapolis Colts versus New England Patriots game on Sunday, eating lots of Halloween candy.


Lots and LOTS of Halloween candy.







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Contrariwise Jewelry is now a proud member of Metalsmiths in Action: http://metalsmithsinaction.webs.com/index.htm

Get your politically incorrect parenting tips RIGHT HERE! (This one was forwarded on to me by a friend. Don't know the origin.)
UPDATE: I think that this may be the original source of the ad. (Great site, by the way, with some awesome links.)



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Contrariwise Jewelry is now a proud member of Metalsmiths in Action: http://metalsmithsinaction.webs.com/index.htm

OK, let me get off the topic of jewelry and change the subject.

Last month I went on a business trip to Rome. (Yeah, I know. Life is hard.)

It meant that I'd be away for a full week and my kids were really not happy about me leaving. They whined and kept asking me why they couldn't go with me. This was repeated, again and again, each time the trip was mentioned.

The night before I was to leave, I pulled my suitcase out of the basement and started packing. Emma, my youngest, decided that she had to help me pack. (Remember, help is a relative word when used by a mother.)

She suggested that she could easily fit in the suitcase and join me in Rome, but I declined her kind offer.

It was sad leaving, but I really had to go. But when I got to my hotel room in Rome, I opened my suitcase and I had a big laugh. Emma must have snuck her stuffed animal, Mooch, in there when I wasn't looking to keep me company.

I decided right then and there that Mooch would have to join me when I went sightseeing. And that's what he did. So here you have it: picture of Mooch taking in the sights of Rome.


Mooch, speechless at the sheer size and grandeur of the Vatican:
(At the Vatican, we also visited the art museums and the Sistine Chapel. Unfortunately, we weren't allowed to take photos there. )


Mooch, gazing at the massive obelisk in St Peter's Square:

While there, we discussed how this was one of the intregral scenes of Dan Brown's novel, "Angels and Demons". And we both adamently agreed that it was a better book than "The DaVinci Code".


Mooch, in awe of the Colliseum:



Both sides of it!




Mooch, just after he tossed three coins in the fountain:
One legend says that if you toss 3 coins over your left shoulder into the Trevi Fountain, you'll get 3 wishes. I wonder what Mooch wished for? I know I was wishing for some gelato. Yum.



Mooch, basking in the glory that was once the Roman Forum:




Mooch, showing no fear at the Bocca Della Verita, also known as the Mouth of Truth. It's said that if you put your hand into its mouth and tell a lie, the mouth will shut.



Obviously, Mooch had a lot at stake:

All in all, Mooch had a great time in Rome but was happy to get home. Emma was glad to have him back and enjoyed hearing about his trip and seeing all his photos.

He was great company and may just become my permanent traveling companion!



BTW, Mooch was made by Uppity Woman's Designs. You can find her shop here.
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You all remember this pic taken of Dick Cheney while fly fising, right?
People have wondered about the reflection in the glasses. Is it really a naked lady? If not, what the heck is it?

Finally the truth comes out. Click on the above photo pic for the link and use the zoom-in tool for a close up.

I just took my first jewelry class the other week. It was a silversmithing course to make a silver pendant with a stone.

It was SO MUCH FUN! Lookie at what I made!

I bezel-set the stone, using a propane torch to solder it to the sterling back, which I cut freehand, using a pair of scissors.

The teacher is a former silversmithing teacher at a local university who knows a great deal about how to use inexpensive techniques. He told us stories of using an coffee can, some foil and an old skillet to do some fancy work. He's quite a character, let me tell you.

I had brought a stone that I wanted to set as a pendant, but the instructor didn't think it would be the best for the project - the back of it wasn't flat. But he had brought a bunch of stones that he cut and polished himself for us to pick from. So I went through his pile and finally settled this red one that you see above.

I asked him what kind of stone it was.

He looked at the stone. Then he looked at me. The he gave out a long drawn out sigh and coughed a few time.

After he got everyone's attention it was time for a story.

It seems that he had been out in Arizona a while ago, looking for fossils to bring back as specimans for his classroom.

Well, not fossils, exactly. Coprolites.

One of his old friends had a dinosaur on his property that he had been digging out for quite a while. As the story goes, it was a raptor, and whatever had killed it, must have scared it sh%tless because there was a big pile of dinosaur poo at the base of his tale.

Well he dug up this prize speciman and displayed it in his classroom for a number of years. He also cut and polished chunks of it.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my pendant is fosilized dinosaur crap.

Nice color, isn't it.

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A few crafty links.

Bottle cap necklace.
Here's a craft I found on the HGTV website: how to make a personalized bottle cap necklace.

I think this would be fun to make and would even be a great craft to do with an older child. (Mommy daughter bonding opportunity!)

I did a little googling and found out this HGTV tutorial was created by an etsy seller, Reillybelle! She creates jewelry out of every day objects like buttons, bottle caps, nuts from the hard ware store, and legos for children and adults. She also has a website. (Let me tell you, I am so impressed with her photography - you should visit her site for inspiration.)

Hammered Silver Cuff.
Loose Wire Studio posted a tutorial on how to make a hammered silver cuff.

I just took a class on metal working this week (Yes, I'll be posting about it sometimes soon) and this tutorial just makes me want to go out and try it!

Loose Wire Studio also has an Etsy shop here.

This is from her profile:

"How it began: A few years ago, some friends began to join together in the spirit of crafts. At the time I was doing woodworking, but this was hard to bring to a dining room table of crafters, so I began the pursuit of beading. This led to working with wire and recently metalwork.

Each piece includes the wisdom from the one before. Each bead find or natural inspiration finds its way into my work, or at least my notes.">

Just for fun:

GQ interview with Keith Richards.
Do I even need to say it's rambling?

(BTW, I hope the picture on the right didn't scare you away. It really was the least scary recent photo I could find. Here's a much scarier one. But remember, you were warned.)

Q: You should sell your body on eBay.
A: Yeah, I think so. Apparently, I do have an incredible immune system. I had hepatitis C and cured it by myself.

Q: How?
A: Just by being me.

Q: Do you regret not moisturizing your face?
A: No. I leave that up to other people.

Q: Ever think about getting Botox?
A: No one's ever talked me into doing that. You're lucky if you walk out of there alive. God bless you.


Q: Are you still cutting your own hair? You've done that all your life, right?
A: Yes. I did this bit here yesterday. [holds up a few strands on the side of his head] Also, I'm letting the dye grow out, since I'm not on the road. If the wife likes it, I'll keep it.


Awwwwwwww:

After that interview, and picture, I thought you would need some eye bleach. Here's a sweet story about a kangaroo and dog.

Four-month old kangaroo was in his mother’s pouch when she was killed by a car in Torquay, Victoria, Australia. The unharmed joey would normally have died, but Rex the mixed-breed dog took the roo to his owner, Leonie Allan. “I’d taken Rex for a walk and we’d gone past the dead kangaroo that morning, and later I was working out the front and he started pointing,” Ms Allan said. “I was worried he’d found a snake and called him back, but when he returned he dropped the joey at my feet. “He obviously sensed the baby roo was still alive in the pouch and somehow had gently grabbed it by the neck, gently retrieved it and brought it to me.” The kangaroo was calm and even snuggled up with Rex. Now named Rex Jr, the joey is under the care of the Jirrahlinga Wildlife Sanctuary, and will be released at 18 months of age.

Life explained:

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Computers are just getting smarter all the time.
(All hail google!)

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